We all react differently to problems in our relationships and at times it can be very difficult to face these head on and work through them. How we perceive the situation and how we react to it, will always determine how easily we resolve it.
“Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.” – Eckhart Tolle
It’s good to understand and become aware of the the first things we do when we are unhappy with someone. Do we want them to know we are right and they are wrong? Do we demand? Do we take responsibility for our own unhappiness or just blame others for how we feel?
“We cannot love our partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite. If our “love” has an opposite, then it is not love but a strong ego-need for a more complete and deeper sense of self, a need that the other person temporarily meets. It is the ego’s substitute for salvation, and for a short time it almost does feel like salvation.
But there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs, or rather those of your ego. The feelings of fear, pain, and lack that are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness but had been covered up by the “love relationship” now resurface.
When those painful feelings reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before, and what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings.
In fact, the moment that judgment stops through acceptance of what is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace.
Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, or some external form.
First you stop judging yourself; then you stop judging your partner. The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way.” – Eckhart Tolle – The Spiritual Journey
This excerpt from Eckhart Tolle is challenging and demonstrates some of the problems that we can experience when our Ego is stubborn and we do not wish to see our own pain or know this love is deeply within us.
I have found that when I visualise the other person already healed, already whole, holding them in love and light each day, it allows both of us into a higher vibration of energy and love. When I judge, or want others to change or when I stay resentful or angry at them, I find the relationship remains stuck.
In our ability to accept and love ourselves amidst our pain, we can also allow others to heal in their own time. We cannot make people be what we want them to be, but we can support them in love and be patient for healing.
LIVING IN THIS MOMENT 
Powerful loving insight Karen. The stop judging yourself part is one that many of us ignore … but it all starts within us. I like to think that when I am triggered, it is something within myself that is longing for something. When we connect with the longing we connect with our heart and soul.
Of course, like most things, its easier said than done in the moment.
Thank you for the reminder ❤
Thanyou Val and welcome back. In surrendering our Ego we can begin to see our situation in love and acceptance, which as you say isn’t easy at all! Becoming aware of this is exactly how we can change it.
Wonderful post. 🙂
Thankyou Carol, and I hope you had a lovely thanksgiving.
I love this Karen. It’s not always the easiest thing to do but love is an action word; it’s not so much a feeling as it is an act of one’s will. ❤
Diana xo
“Actions do speak louder than words” You are right Diana, thankyou for your comment.
Beautiful words Karen, we can change who we are but there is no reason to change others. Thats their journey not ours. Thanks loved it.
Thankyou Kath. The energy we use to try and change others is always wasted. Once I surrender to being responsible for my actions only, I always find my situation becomes easier.
The greatest love that ever was and is, was defined by one word : Sacrifice. It is the model of love that is not altered by time or circumstance. When we look at the one we love and question the change that has taken place, we find that the change most often is not in them, but us. We had lost the value in self-denial, for the sake of our beloved.
-Al
The greatest love was sacrifice Alan, and you are so right that the changes in us always reflect onto those around us. In working through our relationships, there always needs to be sacrifice and this is how we begin to heal.
Great post. I try to face the negative feelings to see, what did trigger my reaction or feeling and then implement this.
I think it is important to remember to ask ourselves before we over-react if this case is a fight worth and find that rare.
Thankyou Irene. If we can acknowledge those feelings as you said and understand why we react in a certain way or what triggers those reactions, which is very difficult to confront, then we can work towards a deeper relationship in ourself and others. I appreciate your comment.
Understanding this: “Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.”, Karen, has provided such incredible perspective for me over the years. I lovely post – I feel invited to open more deeply to the love inside of me. Thank you.
I am so happy to hear of the understanding you have of this. It is difficult to accept that we hold all the love and peace within us, it seems at times easier, to look for this it outside of us. Thankyou as always for your comment Vicki.
Well, in a perfect world, it’s easy to say all you need is love. But we live in a practical, material world. The best part of what you shared here is accpeting the person for who he or she is. But even with that, it’s not just heart that needs to talk, it’s also the mind. It’s a funny world we live in. In an ideal world it sounds great….. but feelings and emotions are just not enough.
Mind and Heart do need to work together in a relationship, I agree. Becoming conscious of our words, thoughts and ego will all benefit towards a better way of communicating and loving ourselves and others. It’s always a practice in the making!! Thanks for a great comment Rommel.