We all react differently to problems in our relationships and at times it can be very difficult to face these head on and work through them. How we perceive the situation and how we react to it, will always determine how easily we resolve it.
“Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.” – Eckhart Tolle
It’s good to understand and become aware of the the first things we do when we are unhappy with someone. Do we want them to know we are right and they are wrong? Do we demand? Do we take responsibility for our own unhappiness or just blame others for how we feel?
“We cannot love our partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite. If our “love” has an opposite, then it is not love but a strong ego-need for a more complete and deeper sense of self, a need that the other person temporarily meets. It is the ego’s substitute for salvation, and for a short time it almost does feel like salvation.
But there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs, or rather those of your ego. The feelings of fear, pain, and lack that are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness but had been covered up by the “love relationship” now resurface.
When those painful feelings reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before, and what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings.
In fact, the moment that judgment stops through acceptance of what is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace.
Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, or some external form.
First you stop judging yourself; then you stop judging your partner. The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way.” – Eckhart Tolle – The Spiritual Journey
This excerpt from Eckhart Tolle is challenging and demonstrates some of the problems that we can experience when our Ego is stubborn and we do not wish to see our own pain or know this love is deeply within us.
I have found that when I visualise the other person already healed, already whole, holding them in love and light each day, it allows both of us into a higher vibration of energy and love. When I judge, or want others to change or when I stay resentful or angry at them, I find the relationship remains stuck.
In our ability to accept and love ourselves amidst our pain, we can also allow others to heal in their own time. We cannot make people be what we want them to be, but we can support them in love and be patient for healing.