Imperfect Love

… Most of the time, all we have is the moment, and the imperfect love of the people around us.      –   Anne Lamott

Perfection is the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects, and on some level I believe we expect this in each other. Even though we know it is not real, we still crave it, imagine it, and perhaps hope it’s a possibility further down the track.

People often say, “There has to be something more, or something better out there,” but where is there? There is only here, with what is, and while we keep searching for the illusion of perfect, we will continue to feel disappointed.

By changing our perception to see our flaws as neutral traits that are both good and bad, we change how we choose to react to people and situations and that changes our belief of perfection.

The more accepting and loving I am of myself and my present situation, the more likely I am able to accept that in those I love or meet.  The more I see past the anger, fear or the pain, the more chance I have to find love and peace within, which is our natural state.

We all have gifts and flaws, we all have love and pain.  Learning to nurture and focus on the positive parts of ourselves and accept or change the rest, will always be reflected back to us through others.

“Eventually you discover that you seek love because you are love. Therefore love is not an illusion, but the Ultimate Reality”     Robert Adams

33 thoughts on “Imperfect Love

  1. I wish I had known this in my 20s. I could have saved myself and others a lot of angst. Haha. Nice post, Karen. So true.

  2. Perfection is definitely an illusion. I think we’re perhaps looking for excellence, the highest possibility we’re capable of achieving, which in and of itself is a moving target! 🙂

  3. Love is like a dessert for a hungry man, we most often need respect, tolerance and understanding as our daily food. Many people look only for the visible and noticeable parts of love: verbal confirmations, gifts, extra attention and obvious passion. Love has so many faces and it might be hard to even feel somebody’s love because they are not that much about verbally repeating this all the time and showing it non-stop. Some people also expect this something out there and are unable to notice the normal down to the Earth love.
    Society is valuing appearances a lot, and that is making most people double-faced and pretentious. I believe genuine and honest people get to experience true love at some point of their lives. Chasing rich or influential partners has nothing to do with love, lots of advantage takers out there, but career and success are top-priorities for so many, and love sort of doesn’t even have a space in their heart. It needs a space to grow, to live and to breath. You’re right that improving oneself and becoming somebody who deserves to be loved is an important aspect.

    1. Thanks for taking the time to write your comment Inese. It is filled with truth. Love does need space to grow and live, and if we can do this for ourselves, we can do this for each other. Thankyou.

  4. Great reflections, Karen! I’ve learned that perfection is the enemy of good. While seeking perfection we tend to loose sight of what is good enough. And become our own worst critics.

  5. “Learning to nurture and focus on the positive parts of ourselves and accept or change the rest, will always be reflected back to us through others.” Where’s the fun in that! 🙂

  6. Such an insightful post, Karen. I too wish I had discovered this truth earlier on in life, but it seems to take a lot of struggle and pain to ultimately become conscious of this, and the gift is peace, peace in oneself and with others and with nature in all its forms.

    1. I agree Don, it does take a lot of struggle and pain and some even with experience, still find this difficult to let go of. Our connection to each other and nature, is indeed the gift. Thankyou.

  7. Ah, yes. Such a lesson:). Being raised with a critical parent means I have to check myself early and often to be sure I’m not using that same harsh voice on me, my kids, my significant other. I have learned to appreciate the gifts of imperfection (even without reading Brene’s book on it yet:)).

    1. This is such a gift that you are able to recognize this Kay. (Even without Brene ha) So many people pass these beliefs onto their children unconsciously, and so the cycle continues. If we can change this in ourselves, it will change the course for our children’s children. Well done!

  8. No one has the perfect life do they Karen, we all have our struggles. But its the choices we make, tiny choices about acceptance, gratitude and going with the flow that can make all the difference. ‘The older I get the more accepting I become of my shortcomings.

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