The Over-Controller

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“I meet myself in stillness and we breathe.”  S W Berry



How much ‘being’ did you do today?

Not doing…Not over-controlling…..Being.

Tara Brach has an amazing way of revealing the illusions I tell myself and how I trick myself into believing I am present to what is.

She asks, “How often do we prepare for the events in our life?”  “How much time do we give getting ready for others and our jobs, rather than finding space to allow and be?”

Over-controlling, cuts us off from ‘what is’ by believing, “This shouldn’t be happening” or “This isn’t right” and from this space I try to prevent or fix what I believe shouldn’t be happening or isn’t right?  Crazy right?

If it’s here, then we need to feel it.  If it’s here, then we need to understand it.  Not fix it or change it.

That means we need to allow space for it, allow time for it to be seen and felt. 

In being, there is no judgement, no expectation, there is no problem.  We are only the witness to what is.

Being gives us far more chance of changing our situation than controlling does.


you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
To hold it against your bones

knowing your life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

“In Blackwater Woods” by Mary Oliver, from American Primitive. © Back Bay Books, 1983.



17 thoughts on “The Over-Controller

  1. Sometimes easier to ‘be busy’ and in fix-it mode than to relax your grip and accept what is (or so I’ve heard… 😉 ) Thanks for the gentle nudges, Karen. xoxo

    1. Busier is more comfortable; it’s what we have learned growing up, and really it’s all we know, but it’s definitely not an easier life. I have done busy for years, but the practice of ‘being’ each day Is pure gold and more! Keep practising Lori 💚💕

  2. What a powerful post…and the video is wonderful. It was worth every minute. Thank you for the introductory part of your post. Th video further amplified your points. 🙏🏻💕

  3. It also explains (at least partially) that all my life long I always ‘took’ my sick leaves during my holidays…
    Even now, in March, we had a few very, very rare days to ourelves and right on day one I caught a sciatica which took me eventually three months to overcome. Our short hols were totally ruined and I still feel bad about Hero Husband who had little joy during the 5 days we stayed at a gite with nothing he could do….. The French say ‘Lâcher prise’, I’d translate it as ‘Letting go’ – and I’m still very early on being on that learning trip.

    1. You share beautifully Kiki, about what happens when we don’t slow down regularly. Years ago, I used to get sick every time I went on a holiday too, because that’s when I stopped, and let my body ‘feel’ in between the crazy busyness!!! 😬 We only get one chance at life, one body; and so, I think it deserves a little bit of being, rest and love. Thank you Kiki 💕💚💕

    1. I love her gentleness too Eliza and it comes from a deep sense of compassion for herself, because she has experienced great pain in her body over many years, I think it was an auto-immune disease? And so, she is a beautiful teacher of this lived experience and knows it’s possible for us all! 💚💕

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