“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation.”    Paulo Coelho

One day Chuang Tzu and a friend were walking by a river. “Look at the fish swimming about,” said Chuang Tzu, “They are really enjoying themselves.”

“You are not a fish,” replied the friend, “So you can’t truly know that they are enjoying themselves.”

“You are not me,” said Chuang Tzu. “So how do you know that I do not know that the fish are enjoying themselves?”

How often do we think we know someone only to find them say or do something completely out of character?  As a Counsellor, consulting with different types of people from different backgrounds, I am often surprised by the many layers we have within us.

It teaches me time and time again not to judge others for their interpretation of the truth and not to expect or assume I know their hearts or minds.

We all like to draw conclusions and judge those around us, especially those close to us.  How often have we said “Oh they could never do that?” or  “Change is impossible for them” each time we limit our belief of them, we block the potential of growth for ourselves and for those we love.

Often these limiting beliefs are just a reflection of our own limitations and fears.  I have felt this many times over the years and as a result have judged others, but as I grow into a deeper understanding of myself and my potential, I am expanding my thoughts for others as well.  It always begin with us.

Become aware of judgemental thoughts you have of others and notice when they arise in you.

Become aware of judgemental thoughts you have for yourself and notice when they arise in you.

Overtime you will see, we can be just as hard on ourselves as we are with others, and when we can change our harsh thoughts and learn to have compassion and acceptance for ourselves exactly as we are, only then can we expand that to others.

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves
– Dalai Lama


23 thoughts on “Judgement

  1. Not only are we a mystery to ourselves, but a mystery to one another. I think the air of mystery just cannot support being judgemental. Thanks Karen.

    1. We are a mystery Don and you are right, because of this how can we judge? Still, when we become aware of this part of ourselves we can learn to work on letting it go. Thankyou.

  2. Your post echoes exactly my morning reading. The All reminding me that a choice is available every moment – judgement or innocence, contraction or expansion, assessment or gratitude. “Unless you become as little children, you won’t experience heaven on earth”. Thanks Karen for your reminder.

  3. Love it Karen and that quote from the Dalai Lama it all takes time I think. To truly make peace with ourselves. Some days I think I’m there and others…not so much. Life is forever changing isn’t it?

  4. Well said, and oh so true . . . I stand guilty of judging myself and others. When I walked the Camino de Santiago last year, judgment was one piece I wanted to be able to let go of, and darned if it didn’t show up in full force during the last 100 km of the walk. I had to work hard to let it all go. There was something greater than me and my believing that I had overcome this judgement thing we all do by having then walked some 600 plus km saying oh not so fast, this will be a lifetime of a work in progress. Thank you for the reminder to be less judging and more mindful.

    1. Such a great example of letting go and yes it is a lifetime of practice. 600km is something you should be very proud of achieving! and the lessons and understanding along the way was your gift. Thankyou.

  5. Over time …. we get to see the inner transformation of accepting ourselves and letting go of judgments. It can be a life long practice, but worth pursuing!

  6. Karen,
    Great post. Judgement is best left to God. Because who is there better to judge than He who set the criteria.
    If we follow the command: to remove the beam from our own eye before removing the speck from another; we may then see clearly enough to understand we were never capable of it in the first place. That beam is pride. And once removed, our transformation may be the example another needs to do the same themselves.

  7. Whenever we judge someone, we kill our own opportunities to let him listen to us because he will automatically protect himself by explaining things to us instead of listening.

    Judge, then we will blind ourselves from the reality.

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