Releasing Anger

by Karen Lang, posted in Finding Deep Happiness, Healing Grief

That which I do not forgive in you, lies unforgiven within myself.

A classic Buddhist proverb states: “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Forgiveness is one of the most important lessons life has to offer, but it is also one of the more difficult sentiments to learn and practice.

In order for us to even think of forgiveness, we must first try to understand the other person’s emotions, thoughts and feelings, while also realizing that they too have a story of their own and so forgiving their actions can become plausible.

There is nothing easy about forgiveness.  It takes courage and a true consciousness of will to let go and allow yourself and the other person to come to a place of peace.  When I decided to forgive the driver that killed my 9-year-old son, I struggled to believe I could.

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you have given the message that what someone did was okay. It just means that you’ve let go of the anger or guilt towards someone, or towards yourself.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” – Katherine Ponder

We need to forgive ourselves too.  When we have wronged others with our words or thoughts, we need to forgive and let go of our guilt and remorse.  It is never too late to forgive and for those who have died that you still hold anger towards, allow forgiveness to them as well, so that you do not hold onto this pain in your heart, stopping the flow of love and abundance in your life.

It seems that most people need to experience a great deal of suffering before they will relinquish resistance and accept — before they will forgive.

There is such power in forgiveness, that if you knew the release that occurs for yourself and others, the peace and the love within that you start to feel afterwards, then you would never hesitate to do it.

Forgive today.

Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realising, you were the prisoner. – Max Lucado

Practice Stillness

by Karen Lang, posted in Uncategorized
In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.  – Deepak ChopraSonia Choquette is a world-renowned intuitive and spiritual teacher who specializes in helping others recognize that we are all endowed with a sixth sense that we can count on. A masterful teacher committed to strengthening intuition in our daily lives, she is the best-selling author of seven books: Diary of a Psychic, The Psychic Pathway, Your Heart’s Desire, The Wise Child, True Balance, Your Psychic Pathway to New Beginnings, Your Psychic Pathway to Joy, and numerous audio editions.  Listen below to her wisdom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwPi33S2yFk&NR=1

When you have accessed a regular time for stillness and emptiness, you are then able to feel how much stress and pain you are carrying around.  You are then able to make a conscious choice in your daily decisions.  You have complete control on how your life is unfolding and complete responsibility.  Once you understand that power you carry within, you will then be able to make the right choices in your life.

When you surrender enough to the moment, then there will not be all this pressure and anxiety that you walk with everyday.  The choice is ours.  Don’t miss out on having a life that allows your full potential to shine!

 “Your innermost sense of self, of who you are, is inseparable from stillness. This is the I Am that is deeper than name and form.” Eckhart Tolle

 

Worldly Beliefs

by Karen Lang, posted in Healing Grief

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall, the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will. What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness? – Oriah Mountain Dancer

Why have we all come to believe that what the world tells us is true?  That there are perfect families and perfect bodies, perfect husbands and wives and perfect children?  I would like to know where they all are, because I have yet to meet any and yet we are all striving to be them.

Media, Television and Radio bombard us daily, on how to look younger, get fitter, feel happier and yet in today’s paper it reads:  “The number of patients in therapy is growing by 20 percent annually.  The Australian Psychological Society reported that this year has recorded the highest rates of patients booking in for anxiety, distress and depression and that one in 10 Adults are on antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills.

We see others through eyes of envy and wish we could be as happy or as rich or as beautiful as they are and then work tirelessly to keep up with them, convincing ourselves it will be our turn one day.

Why do we feel we cannot be ourselves with one another or share the pain of our wounds that we face each day?  Why do we all feel the need to pretend?

Fear always keeps us in the dark about the truth.  Fear blocks us from being vulnerable with one another.  Fear makes us feel alone in our anxiety and stress and we become desperate for a quick fix, so that others will never see there is anything wrong.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everyone wants to be accepted and loved.  We all want people to like us and so we are hesitant to show others the pain and the truth of our life behind closed doors.  We become silent in our suffering for fear of rejection and allow the world to continue to promote perfection which keeps us trapped.

“The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position.” – Leo Buscaglia

Trust that we all have our own story and pain to share.  Trust that in sharing honestly with one another, you will find you are never alone and in turn you will allow others to open up and even begin to heal their wounds.

At the end of the day, pretending is exhausting and to no-one benefits from it.  It takes so much energy to keep our secrets hidden.  What needs to be faced is our fear, stepping out beyond the familiar and into the unknown.

Slow down and become aware of who you are in this world.  Accept and love yourself for who you are right now, in doing so, we can become free from the chains of falsehood and begin to live freely in our own uniqueness.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day. Show me you can risk being completely at peace, truly OK with the way things are right now in this moment, and again in the next and the next and the next. . . Oriah Mountain Dancer

The Death of our Ego

by Karen Lang, posted in Healing Grief

“The ego is the false self-born out of fear and defensiveness.” – John O’Donohue

Ego is the unobserved mind that runs your life when you are not present or conscious of your thoughts and actions. – The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle

Ego is born from our deep inner fears or lack of self and as we are surrounded by many others who have similar ego based fears like, control, power, greed, and defense we begin to create drama and problems in our life.

The emotions that stoke our need for power are much stronger than we care to admit.  Our ego’s blind us to the truth as we pick and choose facts that support the story we have created in our mind and ignore and minimize those that don’t.

Power struggles, emotional and physical violence all stem from EGO.   So we need to ask ourselves “What have I attached my ego to?”  Is it the intellect identity?  or the victim identity?  Is it the Drama?  or the Social Status and Wealth identity? or martyr or illness identity?  There are so many emotional areas that our ego can attach to and once we understand which one we are, only then can we learn to let go of it and change the illusion of self.

When you reconnect with your true spirit and are no longer run by your ego mind, you will stop creating drama’s and suffering in your life.

“Enlightenment is ego’s ultimate disappointment.”  – Chogyam Trungpa

Once you have identified you have an ego, you will start to see how powerful it is in your mind.  Even if you live alone your ego can still create drama, feeling sorry for yourself, feeling guilty or anxious or angry at others, that too is drama.  Your ego feeds off drama, so when I ask you to let it go, I am asking you to let go of  an identity that you have always felt comfortable with, and this creates a great deal of resistance and fear.

The ego is born at a young age and not because we have consciously adopted a certain identity but rather we have connected to one that helps us adapt and receive what we need in the environment we grew up in.

We cling to our carefully planned explanations we have told ourselves and others about why our lives have unfolded as they have, not realising that even when they appear empowering, they are hindering our growth.

When I was young, I found that when I got sick, I got a lot of attention from my parents and this became part of my identity in the family.

Over the years we attach ourselves to a story that we are convinced is our truth.  Think about who you are in your own family and what role you were given in that environment.  You will begin to see the truth and start to understand the illusion we have all created.

“The ego relies on the familiar. It is reluctant to experience the unknown, which is they very essence of life.”  – Deepak Chopra

What if I told you “You will no longer have suffering in your life?”  What if I told you “You will no longer have drama or illness in your life?”  Would you be happy?  Most people would say yes, but if I took it away from you……what you would feel would be a sense of loss and a death to your identity.

When you live in complete acceptance of what is, that is the end of all drama in your life, then nobody can even have an argument with you.  When there is no ego to feed and you are conscious of all your thoughts and words, you will learn to feel peace and acceptance in your life, no matter what is happening around you.

Learn to accept that we all have an ego and begin to understand what identity you have attached to it.   Step into the unknown and out of the illusion by letting go of this story you have told yourself.

Allow stillness and mediation and yoga to help you through this healing.

Know that most of us will spend a life time trying to let go of our ego’s but never give up trying to find your true self and purpose in life.

“The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, person and family history, belief systems, and often nationalistic, racial, religious, and other collective identifications. None of these is you.” – Eckhart Tolle

How to say “NO”

by Karen Lang, posted in How to say NO

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

I heard a story the other day about a father, who instead of saying “No” to their small child about turning on the television,  he told her that the television didn’t work during those times of the day.  A funny story yes, but why is it, that we teach our children from a very young age that it is easier to lie than to say “No”, or tell the truth?

I remember always finding it hard to say “No” to anyone but it was always based on my fear of being rejected by others.  When I faced the fear that stopped me from being true to myself, I allowed my confidence to grow and my life became my own and not a prison to what others thought of me.

“Courage: the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” – Maya Angelou

Everyone at some point has lied to their friends or family because it seemed easier than to say “No” but what you may find is that the reaction you get from others when they find out you have lied, is often worse.

When we say yes to one thing, we are simultaneously saying no to something else and if you find it hard to say “No” to complete strangers, then often we end up not having enough time to say “yes” to our family or ourselves.

When we continually say “yes” when in fact we want to say “no”, we teach ourselves to value the relationship of the person making the request above the importance of our own interests.

We convince ourselves that we have time to say yes to all these requests but this overloading of commitments will eventually catch up with you.  No matter how many people you try to please, someone ends up getting hurt and that person is usually you!

I’ve never met a “yes” person that wasn’t angry or resentful.  This is simply because they make no time for themselves to rest or be still.  Often they project their anger at those they love and not to those they continually say yes to.  Deep down, the only person we are angry at is ourselves for not having the courage to say “no”.

“The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.” – Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Start small in your quest to say “no”.   It’s a hard habit to break, so below are a few ideas:

When someone requests something of you, allow yourself time to think.  Instead of saying “yes” straight away, say “Let me check that date” or “I’m not sure”.  This way, you give yourself time to consider yourself and your family first.  If it feels right and fits into your schedule then say “yes”, if it doesn’t, say “No” without guilt.

Face the fear within yourself and understand why you find it hard to say “no”.  This can only happen when you slow down and stop.  Allow yourself to be nurtured and to rest, for when you feel given to, you can then give freely and generously to everyone.

Trust your intuition and always speak the truth.

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” – Eleanor Roosevelt