Category: Understanding Fear

I have spent years practising to have more self-love and self-compassion for myself.  It never felt natural to me, even though it is our natural state.  I began a journey to train and re-train myself to spend less time in my judgemental mind and more time in my heart, to a place of acceptance.

Self-love refers to the tendency to be caring and understanding with ourself rather than being harshly critical or judgmental.  Instead of taking a cold ‘stiff-upper-lip’ approach in times of suffering, self-love and kindness offers soothing and comfort to the self.

Life is harsh and very stressful at times and berating ourselves for being less than perfect puts a lot of pressure on us and does not nurture our souls or heart.

Recognise that we are all imperfect, fail and make mistakes at times. It connects our own flawed condition to the shared human condition so we can have a greater perspective towards our own shortcomings and difficulties.

When we give ourselves permission to be human and indulge in self-love, we will recover much more quickly and see life through a more open heart and mind.

Don’t confuse self-compassion with self-indulgence, if we don’t share with others what is going on in our life, if we don’t ask for what we need, then you may find that others do not respond the way you hoped.

“My willingness to be intimate with my own deep feelings creates the space for intimacy with another.” – Shakti Gawain

When we have the courage to let the walls down – to know and embrace ourselves, despite what may be going on, we also open the door to connecting in a more caring, empathic, intimate way with others and this will reflect within the people that surround us and love us.

If this is not happening for you, look inwardly and search for your answers.  Why are you not being loved the way you want? Are you limiting yourself from giving fully to others out of fear of rejection? When do you allow yourself to be nurtured and loved?

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself”   ~Thich Nhat Hanh

“Live from the heart of yourself.  You have to make a living; I understand that.  But you also have to know what sparks the light in you, so that in your own way, you can illuminate the world.” – Oprah Winfrey

What sparks the light in you?  Are you living your full potential?  Are you living your truth?  These are great questions to ask ourselves and even if we don’t know the answers, you will know if you are living your truth by the way you feel, in your work, home and social situations everyday.

Standing up for what we believe in, for what we believe is right for us, is not always easy.  If we worry about what others think or what may happen if we change direction, we may just stay where we are for too long and that could mean a loss of fulfilment and living the dream you thought may never happen.

Where are you silencing yourself? Where do you not take risks when expressing what matters to you? It does not need to be a life and death situation.  It could be as simple as challenging a work colleague or family member about their behaviour or being willing to disagree when everyone else seems to be going in a different direction to you.

Below is a story of a woman who stood by her truth and intuition and believed she should not be swayed by the opinion and influence of those around her.  In doing so, she discovered she could trust her instincts and was given the gift of life for her family.

Christina Lianos Story –

In April 2012, after serious intent to buy a home in a neighbouring town, after bidding on a property, I just flat-out and unilaterally decided against it in the eleventh hour. My family was beyond upset with me. The kids were excited about living in this town, but my gut told me to flat-out refuse. There was nothing to explain this feeling. The town was perfect, and the home was lovely. I just felt that it was the wrong choice. I am typically accommodating and flexible, but in this instance, I was adamantly against the idea.

We settled on a home within our own town. We moved in June, and the kids started school in September. On December 14, 2012, the unthinkable happened at Sandy Hook Elementary school. My youngest (a child I never thought I would be able to have and who came into this existence ever so unusually to begin with), would have been in that school on that day had I stayed the course and this would have changed my life forever.

Of course not every decision we make is the right one but when you practice living a life based on your truth, you can be assured that the universe will respond accordingly and you will begin to feel confident in your choices and trust your instincts, allowing life to meet up with your dreams.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. – Helen Keller

Staying in the comfort of  our life, work and home is really okay if that is where you are meant to be, but if you feel stagnate or bored or too scared to change your circumstances,  you may be missing out on amazing opportunities and experiences in life.

Study, learn a new hobby, move house, travel to an exotic location, volunteer overseas or just do something completely opposite to what you normally do. Why? because it pushes us out of our comfort zone and gives us opportunities to expand and discover the amazing potential we are holding back.

“Open yourself to ideas, events, relationships that make you uncomfortable. Travel places where you know no one. Learn another language. Create art, even though you’re not an artist. Argue with people. Fall down. Get up. Read books, all sorts of books”. – Juan Williams

First acknowledge your fears about change.  Write down why you feel you cannot do or start something new and then explore reasons why and  “why not?”

Challenge yourself to learn something different every year and see it through.  It’s wonderful to feel the sense of achievement and completion and to expand your mind to new ways of thinking.

Write a bucket list.  Time is short and precious, so start imagining what it is you want to achieve or have never done and set some goals for when and how.

Keep challenging yourself to get out of your comfort zone. The task remains for you to continually grow and create another set of opportunities to pursue productive discomfort.

The more we step out into the unknown, the more we face our fears and grow.  Comfort is just an illusion and excuse that prevents us from changing our circumstances.

There is so much learn, so much to experience, so don’t waste another minute!! Today is a brand new opportunity to begin.