Author: Karen Lang

Counselor/Energy Healer Grief Mentor/Mindfulness teacher/ Author of two books.

How to say “NO”

by Karen Lang, posted in How to say NO

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

I heard a story the other day about a father, who instead of saying “No” to their small child about turning on the television,  he told her that the television didn’t work during those times of the day.  A funny story yes, but why is it, that we teach our children from a very young age that it is easier to lie than to say “No”, or tell the truth?

I remember always finding it hard to say “No” to anyone but it was always based on my fear of being rejected by others.  When I faced the fear that stopped me from being true to myself, I allowed my confidence to grow and my life became my own and not a prison to what others thought of me.

“Courage: the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” – Maya Angelou

Everyone at some point has lied to their friends or family because it seemed easier than to say “No” but what you may find is that the reaction you get from others when they find out you have lied, is often worse.

When we say yes to one thing, we are simultaneously saying no to something else and if you find it hard to say “No” to complete strangers, then often we end up not having enough time to say “yes” to our family or ourselves.

When we continually say “yes” when in fact we want to say “no”, we teach ourselves to value the relationship of the person making the request above the importance of our own interests.

We convince ourselves that we have time to say yes to all these requests but this overloading of commitments will eventually catch up with you.  No matter how many people you try to please, someone ends up getting hurt and that person is usually you!

I’ve never met a “yes” person that wasn’t angry or resentful.  This is simply because they make no time for themselves to rest or be still.  Often they project their anger at those they love and not to those they continually say yes to.  Deep down, the only person we are angry at is ourselves for not having the courage to say “no”.

“The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.” – Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Start small in your quest to say “no”.   It’s a hard habit to break, so below are a few ideas:

When someone requests something of you, allow yourself time to think.  Instead of saying “yes” straight away, say “Let me check that date” or “I’m not sure”.  This way, you give yourself time to consider yourself and your family first.  If it feels right and fits into your schedule then say “yes”, if it doesn’t, say “No” without guilt.

Face the fear within yourself and understand why you find it hard to say “no”.  This can only happen when you slow down and stop.  Allow yourself to be nurtured and to rest, for when you feel given to, you can then give freely and generously to everyone.

Trust your intuition and always speak the truth.

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Peace

by Karen Lang, posted in Uncategorized

“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.” Eckhart Tolle –The Power of Now

I used to say to my children when they were young,…..”Just give me five minutes peace!”  Of course that never seemed to happen because I was always looking for peace outside of myself and not within.

How often do we say, “I can’t wait to have a break from work” or “I can’t wait to go somewhere far away from family and the stress of life”.  The fact is, the turmoil and anxiety that we are trying to escape from are within us, so how do we actually get away from it?

Having a holiday or retreat is a great way to disconnect from the day-to-day stress and it sometimes puts a different perspective on situations, helping us understand how to balance the busyness of our life but when we only believe peace can come from having a holiday or from disconnecting from normal life, it will always be short-lived.

When you return from the tranquility of your getaway holiday, what you find is that the world is still spinning, the kids are still wanting your attention and everything you left is waiting for you and so, it doesn’t take long to get caught back in it all over again.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.  Mother Theresa

Finding deep peace, is making a conscious decision each day to let go and to be accepting of all situations that present themselves.  Instead of reaching for a glass of wine or cigarette to calm you, you only need to practice stillness and breathe.

By practicing daily meditation and breathing you will connect to your inner peace.  It will balance your life and you will gain self-control, more discipline, and the ability not to let outside events influence your emotions, actions, reactions and decisions.  You will find that what used to stress you lessens and you will find you have more patience with those around you and more time for yourself.

Making small steps each day to help connect you to inner peace, you will feel more calm  amongst the chaos and even though you will still look forward to a holiday or break, you will not live every moment waiting for it.

“Peace comes from within.  Do not seek it without.” – Siddhartha Gautama

Understanding Anger

by Karen Lang, posted in Uncategorized

“I would not look upon anger as something foreign to me that I have to fight…..I have to deal with my anger with care, with love, with tenderness, with nonviolence”  Thich Nhat Hanh

How many of us were told as children, not to show our anger or tears? Where does all that anger go when it is suppressed over a long time?  Unfortunately it doesn’t go away and if you were not taught how to let go of anger, it can be a time bomb just waiting to explode.

Of course anger is unleashed everywhere in society today.  It’s almost a given right now to show your anger to anyone who is in your way.  Road rage, Disgruntled employees, Students angry at teachers, Husbands, wives and children all fighting about who isn’t doing enough or that no-one feels listened too.

It never feels good to see someone get angry or lose control but the only reason people lose control is because they have ignored their feelings.  When we don’t acknowledge and deal with the first signs of anger or rejection, we allow a build up of emotion.

People will forget what you said to them….but they will never forget how you made them feel.   Carl W Buechner

We need to become aware of our feelings each day, we need to let go of our fear of being heard and become conscious of our thoughts towards ourselves and others.

How often do you share a story with someone about how you have been wronged by a family member or friend that was rude or angry at you.  Instead of us saying something to the right person at the time, (which takes courage)…..we decide it’s easier to spread the negative story to friends, which in turn helps our anger grow, and feeds our victimhood.

Anger blinds us and fatigues us physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Although anger often gives us a feeling of power and allows us to intimidate others, when we give in to anger, we continue to foster the situations that feed that rage.

We discover we are constantly surrounded by unfriendly people, from the shop owner or work colleagues because anger unconsciously invites others to feed off our irritation and resentment.

Many of the faults you see in others, dear reader, are your own nature reflected in them.  Rumi

Genuine power lies in the ability to practice peace when confronted by someone else’s fury.  When we don’t engage in the drama of another person’s anger we can learn to see the pain in ourselves and others.

Don’t pretend that anger is not apart of our emotions, feel it and let it go. If we can practice stillness and peace each day, we will learn to see the emotional blockages we have created and allow change and freedom in our life.

Any time we feel those negative emotions come up, it’s a voice from deep within ourselves asking to be heard. Somewhere inside, there’s a being that is crying out for love and caring, because it’s feeling hurt, afraid, lonely, or is just simply in pain. That suffering being is you.

To create peace, you have to let go of your need to be right.  If you believe you can’t experience peace until you have worked through your anger, you are wrong.  We need to make peace a conscious choice each day and allow forgiveness and acceptance of ourselves and others inside our heart.

 ” Love knows no answer for it does not question.”   -silent lotus

Chanting OM

by Karen Lang, posted in Uncategorized
“Om is not just a sound or vibration. It is not just a symbol…. If you think of Om only as a sound, a technique or a symbol of the Divine, you will miss it altogether. ….. Om is the mysterious cosmic energy that is the substratum of all the things and all the beings of the entire universe. It is an eternal song of the Divine. It is continuously resounding in silence on the background of everything that exists.”
― Amit Ray, Om Chanting & Meditation

You may think that chanting OM (Aum) is something you only do in a Yoga class or on a Buddhist Retreat but it actually has a much greater effect on the state of your health than you may know.

“Research has found that chanting in general (and singing certain sounds) stimulates the vagus nerve which is the most important nerve in the body. It passes through the throat and services the heart, lungs, intestines, and back muscles. This vibration directly affects the nervous system. The deep prolonged breathing that accompanies the chant helps oxygenate the body, relaxes the mind, and lowers blood pressure.” -International Journal of Yoga

Sound practices like Om/Aum alters the electro-chemical activity in your brain, and it redistributes the energy evenly and equitably across both hemispheres. As you chant Om, your brain waves slow and stretch out, so that “alpha” waves predominate. You suspend consciousness, but neither dream nor lose consciousness; you enter what legitimate scientists call “the alpha state.” If you can describe it, you have not experienced it;, because the alpha state defies language.

It’s hard to believe that chanting OM daily can have such amazing effects on our body and yet I wonder why more doctors don’t recommend this simply technique to help alleviate anxiety and depression, instead of antidepressants or Valium.

Chanting Om helps to create a relaxed state of being. Practicing often will create stronger connections in your brain and eventually that relaxed state of being will carry over into our daily routines.

Other BENEFITS….

  • Strengthens the immune system.
  • Oxygenate the blood as breathing deepens.
  • Reduce the production of stress-related hormones like cortisol.
  • Release endorphins, producing a feeling of well-being.
  • Increase levels of melatonin, a hormone that helps you get a good night’s sleep.

Be creative when singing OM, as it is available for you to do in any environment and not just in Yoga or meditation.  Try singing it in the car on the way to work or sing it as you walk or even in the shower!

Whenever you feel angry or stressed during the day, sing strongly Ahhhhh and then OOmmmm for at least 20 seconds and feel the vibration of the ooomm…..I guarantee you will feel lighter …besides who doesn’t want to feel lighter?

“AUM or Om is not related to any religion because Om was practiced before the birth of all the religions of the world.”
― Amit Ray, Om Chanting & Meditation

Death

by Karen Lang, posted in Uncategorized

Death is not the end
Death can never be the end. Death is the road.
Life is the traveller. The Soul is the Guide  – Rumi

Ask yourself.  Do I fear death? I did for a long time until death faced me.

We would like to believe that death won’t find us. That if we are always on the move and constantly busy we will be okay.  I think that we tell ourselves, Im living a good life so why would death come knocking at my door?

After my first brush with death, I had to face that not only was my 9 year old son not immuned from death, but none of us were.  I realised that my time here on earth was very limited and fragile and that I needed to use my time wisely.  I began to question all my decisions in life and asked myself, “What was important to me now”?

We need to stop making excuses about change and avoiding that decision in our life that we continually postpone.  Making a move on a career change, spending quality time with the children, rather than squeezing another hour at work or taking the holiday that you have always wanted or forgiving a family member you have been angry at for years.

Why do we think that death won’t face us?  I think if we did know it may come at any moment, then we would live differently.

It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up – that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.  Elisabeth Kübler-Ross    Death

It seems only on our death-bed or a family member’s death-bed that we start to reflect on our actions in life and how we have treated ourselves and each other.  Knowing our vulnerability, we can begin to see the big picture of life and realise there is more than our ego to worry about.

Once we are awake to our immortality, don’t let fear ease in.  Don’t let the mind dwell on thoughts of how life may end for us or our family, or how we are running out of time.  Don’t let busyness be the distraction to avoid what we know is true.

Learn to slow down and become still.   Silence and meditation will start to show you how you are living your life and this at times is very confronting.  Work through each fear as it arises and learn to trust in a different process.  Confront the unknown we all have to face and don’t wait until your death-bed to see how life could have been different for you.

Waking up this morning, I smile,      
Twenty four brand new hours are before me.     
I vow to live fully in each moment     
and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.  Thich Nhat Hanh