‘The deepest pain I ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable.’ – Nicole Lyons
Pic: iStock Images
When I try to appease the expectations of others, I lose my ability to listen and be present to my own needs and authentic nature. People pleasing is something we have all experienced in life but often it’s an unconscious coping mechanism to be accepted, loved, and become closer to the people around us. But in the end, like the Zen story, the bar never stops moving.
A man and his wife were traveling with their donkey.
On the first day, both rode on his back, but when they arrived in town, they heard people whispering, ‘What a mean couple, putting all that weight on the donkey.’
On the second day, the man rode and the wife walked beside him, but the people whispered, ‘What a cruel man, forcing his wife to walk, while he rides on the donkey.’
On the third day, the man walked and his wife rode the donkey, but again they heard people say, ‘What a careless man, letting his wife ride alone on the donkey.’
On the fourth day, both walked beside the donkey and yet, they still heard people whisper, ‘What a strange couple, why would they walk when they could ride the donkey?’
Zen stories
LIVING IN THIS MOMENT 
Being a people pleaser is indeed no way to live (or so a good friend tells me…
😉)
Ha! A great example Lori. Lovely to hear from you 💜
I know those stories, I created them for a very long time…until I became my own story. It takes a while as you so wisely said kind lady, but along that path is much empathy, compassion and love as we become us more and more. Great share Karen, and thank you for sharing what you have become as your bar moves for you 😀❤️🙏
Thank you Mark. It’s not easy to trust that it is safe to be our authentic beautiful self! But there is so much freedom and joy when we do 👏👏☺️
Indeed kind lady, each step closer to that beauty inside 😀❤️🙏
so, so true and it has taken me years to change this
Me too Beth and looking back I can see how often I put myself last! 💕🧡
Love the parable… so true that there is no pleasing all the people all the time. Best to start with yourself and at least one person will be pleased!
Absolutely the truth! Thank you Eliza 💕🧡
A lovely insight and reminder for me … and so many others. Thank you Karen 💐🙏🏻💞
Thank you Val! 🤗🧡💕
Karen, I love the Nicole Lyons quote at the top of your post. The zen story is a great reminder that you can’t please everyone so you might as well please yourself.
I agree Carol. It’s an important lesson to learn throughout life. Thank you 💕🧡
I’ve known those stories, Karen, and still at times those stories creep up and I find myself in those stories again. It takes practice and diligence and gentleness with ourselves to stop the people pleasing act so we ourselves can be who we are. Great post!! Thank you!
This is so true Amy, and it is a practice to move away from these stories that we grew up believing about ourselves! Thank you for being here 💕🧡
It’s an exhausting way to live. Been there and done that, but no more. Thank you, Karen for helping all of us to stay on track 🙂
It’s such a freedom to when we can let go of this story and live in our truth! Thanks Michele 💕🧡
That’s it right there: Letting go and living in our truth. Perfect.
Moral of the story: Don’t fashion your lives on the opinions of people who are too well opinionated.
-Alan
Absolutely Alan! A lesson well learned gives us freedom for life. Thank you 🙏🏻💕
As an adult, the one stark contrast I see in life, which I never did as a kid, was everyone has an opinion, and the opinions can be so contrasting that to try even to consider what others think is a true waste of time… Kindness and finding those who also share kindness is the simplest and truest way to move forward. 🙂 Cheers to your kindness and wisdom, Karen!
Truly a waste of time and wished I had learned earlier ha! Thank you 😉