“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” – Stephen R Convey
Next time you are with someone, watch them, as you listen to them. Listen with your heart, which means you are connecting to how they feel. Imagine yourself in their world, where their feelings are valid and although you may not agree with them, listen compassionately.
When you speak and you say something, pay attention to their response. How do they really feel about it? Don’t just listen to the words, pay attention to them between the words.
Experiment and see how those around you respond differently when they feel you are listening to them. See the positive reaction in your conversations when you try this approach and perhaps see another side of those that you thought you knew.
“Only from the heart, can you touch the sky.” – Rumi
Most arguments are from not listening to each other and from not allowing others to have their own opinion. When we feel we need to protect our EGO or refuse to admit we are wrong, we create barriers between those we love.
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia
When you truly understand the perspective of others, you are most likely to reach productive outcomes and when people feel heard, you will find your discussions are less argumentative.
Understand that as you begin to change your listening style to a more empathetic one, you may often feel inefficient, so don’t give up after one session. It takes time to truly hear someone and to replay the essence of their thoughts back.
Overtime as you learn to listen differently and understand those around you, you will find a deeper connection to all those you meet.
“Let the water settle, you will see the moon and the stars mirrored in your being.” – Rumi