A Doorway to the Sky

Image result for gifs of birds soaring

 

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”     

Sydney J. Harris


These words came to me in a dream last night. 

 

A Doorway to the Sky 

 

When I was a child

I remember lying outside on the grass

I remember standing in a doorway to the sky

Without hesitation, I moved through the door and I became a bird

As I extended my arms, my wings unfolded naturally, and I glided freely through the clouds and over the mountains

Up here, I felt invincible.  I felt alive. Anything was possible.

When I was a teenager

I remember being in my room

I don’t remember liking myself very much

I remember looking at the ground a lot

I don’t remember looking at the sky or the doorway

I felt lonely.  I felt misunderstood.

When I was an Adult

I remember the glare of the florescent lights in my office and having lunch at my desk

By the time I got home it was dark

I remember being busy and having fun

I don’t remember finding time to look at the sky

I don’t remember missing it

I felt restless.  I felt needy.

When I was Married and a Parent

I was constantly distracted by the list of things to do and the needs of my children, work and life

Every now and then I would lay beside them outside on the grass and they would suggest excitedly,  “Let’s pretend we are birds and can fly freely through the sky.”

I remembered how much I loved doing that when I was their age, and how it made me me feel larger than life, and as I answered another text on my phone, I realized how quickly I had lost my ability to expand and dream

I felt unsupported. I felt tired

When my children left home

I remember standing at the airport watching them go up in a plane and travel to faraway places

I remember feeling excited knowing they were free to expand and do what they had always dreamed of

I remember thinking I would have time to do all the things I said I would do, now they had left home

I got busy again

I still forgot to look at the sky

I felt life was going too fast

On my deathbed

I feel weak.  I feel pain.  I never thought about my death. I never imagined it would creep up on me so quickly

My great grandson, is sitting next to me on my hospital bed.  He is stroking my hand and whispering, “Today I thought I was a bird granny.  I moved through a doorway in the sky and my wings unfolded easily.  I soared high through the clouds and over the mountains.  I could see everyone and everything from up here.  I was invincible granny.”

As the tears fell from my eyes, I felt my grandson’s freedom rise up in me and in his eyes, I saw all the missed opportunities play out like a movie

I feel regret.

Make space in your day to look up at the sky.  Find the courage to move through the doorway.  Unfold your wings easily and soar towards your true potential.  Learn to feel and see as much as you can. Become invincible while there is time.

26 thoughts on “A Doorway to the Sky

  1. Such a beautiful post Karen. It touched me deeply. 💕 I’m looking up at the sky right now and thinking of all the people who yearn to fly once more. See you in the clouds Karen 🌤

  2. Oh, beautiful! So much to appreciate and I haven’t stopped looking at the sky, even if to my own detriment. We all learn from our regrets and we are fortunate when we can time travel and prevent many of them from becoming a reality. I feel this kind of fortune in my own life, the ability to time travel and “put right what once went wrong” as long as I am alive….
    Wonderful, wonderful post!

  3. I tried to soo
    the myself by drawing upon a thought I had often invoked in my work with patients: the greater the sense of unlived life…This equation calmed me as I considered how few regrets I have about the life I’ve lived.

    ~ Irvin D. Yalom, “Becoming Myself: A Psychiatrist’s Memoir” (Basic Books, October 3, 2017)

    1. Thanks Kristine. It’s happened a few times and it’s not like I get every word in my dream, I just get a vision and the theme and then as I begin writing it just flows out. I have realised speaking with others who write, that when we meditate and practice silence regularly, we open portals to hear and understand a greater wisdom. It’s so cool and I wished it happened more often. 🙏🏻💕

      1. I agree. Since I started to meditate more often, my dreams are far more vivid-and far more pointed in their message :-). But I am not quite to this point! You are far ahead of me :-).

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